Catching Up

Wow, this has been a busy last month! The most exciting part is that my brother got married. The wedding was great - very beautiful, as most winter weddings are. Fortunately, the weather cooperated, and it was really nice, so everyone could see the Wareham sign that said "Superman, the Wedding and Beyond." Yeah. Shayne is that big of a Superman fan. The other side said "Congrats Shayne and Kristen", so at least that part was normal. Actually I thought the sign was endearingly dorky. :)
The reception was a blast - poor Addison was looking forward to dancing, but the music was a bit loud and overwhelming for her, so that everytime she got on the stage she ended up crying. At least Audri had a good time. We got to play with Kristen's 16 month old nephew at the reception and it made me want a little boy so bad - however as Dustin's brother has 3 girls and we have 2, I don't see that happening.

Work has been crazy lately as I have had a lot more work to do than I thought possible. Although iQ Academy is a program of Manhattan High, the teachers are employed through a corporation. Therefore, they dictate how many students full-time teachers should have and I don't have enough, although I was teaching 7 different classes. I now have 9 classes and two of those include Latin. Yes, Latin. I know some roots, but it's definitely one of those classes where I am having study just as hard as the students. However, it is a learning experience, so I won't discount it. I also have to go into the Manhattan office (at the East Campus - talk about some interesting memories), and call students who are behind...I definitely get some strange excuses.
It may seem like I am complaining, but as I have grown up (at least somewhat), I am trying to appreciate the new experiences that life brings and simply learn from them.

The girls are both doing well. Audri is getting excited for Kindergarten next year and Addison is enrolled for pre-school 2 days a week starting in the fall. She will be going to the same place that Audri goes, but since she'll only be 3, she won't be going as often. We have also thrown away all of her binkys! Yes, I know it was about time (she'll be 3 in April), but when your kid is comparable to Taz, you take what you can get to calm them down. Actually, she's not that bad, just very curious and always on the go. The transition to no binky has been relatively smooth - it just takes a long time for her to calm down enough to go to sleep, so we've been having some late nights, but I'll take it.
As I woke up this morning to yet another snowy morning, I am ready for Spring and warm weather! Here's hoping the Groundhog was wrong. :)

A List of Sorts

Ah, January, the time of New Years resolutions. I generally don't make resolutions - I can't really remember doing it at all except for 6th grade when we had to for an assignment. A couple of years ago, it was amusing for me to see all of the people at the gym in January, then less in February, then even less in March. And then in March I had the flu for like 2 weeks, and I quit going too. Oh well.

Anyway, this year, instead of making a resolution or two, I am just going to make a list of things I want to improve upon. You can call them resolutions if you must, but I am not going to. :)

1. Be more attentive to my girls. It's crazy to me that Audri will be 5 and Addison will be 3 in April. They are growing up so fast, and I need to remember to take the time to slow down and appreciate the stages they are entering and exiting so quickly.
2. Be more attentive to my husband. It's easy to forget about his needs too. He's a guy that doesn't hold back his feelings - he needs to talk, so I need to listen. In this way, we are kind of opposite - I tend to hold everything in, dealing with it internally. Eventually of course, I tend to have a melt-down, so that leads me to number 3.
3. Express my feelings more openly. It's not that I'm afraid to ask for help, I just like to try and figure things out in my own head before I talk with other people about them. I guess I need to realize that other people's suggestions might be more helpful than my own thoughts.
4. Be a better friend. I am horrible about keeping in touch with old friends. Facebook has helped, but I could still do a better job.
5. Take better care of myself. I will have had diabetes for 15 years in May. Unfortunately and obviously, it can lead to lots of complications, and I am the first to admit that I don't take as good of care of myself as I should. So, not only keeping my blood sugars lower, but also exercising more often are things I need to do, not only for myself, but for my family as well.

Alright, so there's the list. I figured if I made it public I might do a better job of sticking to it - hopefully that's true.

Poetry Revisited

I originally wrote this poem in June of 2006, when my Grandma's health started to go downhill. She was starting to use a walker to get around and Alzheimer's/dementia was starting to rob her of her memories. As many of you know, she passed away on early Tuesday morning, December 29th. The poem is below:

To Grandma, with the utmost respect and affection.

The sacred maternal bond with so many you've shared,
Grand, great, vast, all for whom you've cared.

Unfailing warmth, present in touch, much too great for words to convey,
Wrinkled hands, worn by time, but with such strength and beauty!

An unwavering admiration, for spirit as yet unparalleled,
Countless tasks and trials, faith refusing yet to quell.

Given to each so many, gifts that a lifetime last,
Humble, yet with mettle still unmatched.

Volga stubbornness, inherited by all,
Something to be proud of, when troubles come to call.

Though life and time do well to pass,
The idyllic memories all amass.

Of gravel roads, of cattle guards,
Barbed wire fences, the hayloft in the barn.

The sweet smell of the kitchen, but most poignantly,
The smiling face, I loved to see.

Loved, and still love, the time we share,
Though time and distance do their best to tear.

The memories forever remain intact,
Upon my heart, doubtless your impact.

CLN, 2006

If you would like to view her obituary, you can do so here. (Elsie Stegman)

Jealousy

My husband is not a huge Nebraska fan. He does cheer for them - whether that be because I have rubbed off on him, or because he wants to get some loves me that much. Either way, it's okay - but when he gets to go to the Big 12 Championship this weekend and I don't - that's just not fair. Okay - only joking. He is going to the game, but it's for my brother's bachelor party. I did ask if I could go, but apparently, it's just for guys. I told Audri that Dustin was going to a party this weekend that was only for boys - she replied "That's not very nice." And I kind of agree. Not that I really want to be involved in the partying - I just want to go to the game - but they have crappy tickets, so I'm not as jealous as I could be.

Woodland Creatures

So yesterday I was sitting on the recliner, laptop open, doing work. I heard a sound in the kitchen but didn't think anything of it, even though the cat was laying on the carpet in front of me and I knew it couldn't have been him.
A couple of minutes after this noise, I notice movement out of the corner of my eye and discover that what I am looking at is a mouse. In. My. House.
I effing hate mice - they freak me out b/c they are so jumpy! I ran to get the cat, who was only a few feet in front of me (he's a helluva mouser, and moler, and rabbiter, etc.) and tossed him toward where I last saw the mouse. He didn't much appreciate this and slinked away. I tipped over the phone stand (where the mouse had last made his appearance), and grabbed Hylus (the cat) again and gently threw him in that direction. This time he ran downstairs. I hesitantly lifted things up with my shoes, but still could not find that freaking mouse. I set up a glue trap and went to my parents house (the girls were already there) b/c there was no way I was staying in the house with a mouse running around somewhere.

I did have to come back eventually, but there was no mouse in my trap. When Dustin got home he searched and then took some measures to fill in any gaps in our walls (it's an old farmhouse moved on to a new foundation/basement), so that this will hopefully be an isolated incident. The mouse has still not been found, and I am praying that it found it's way outside or died somewhere. I don't even care if it died inside as long as it's dead.

So, between skunks and mice I have had my fill of wild animals for a while.

To understand the title of the post, you would have to watch "Imagination Movers" - where Mr. Knitknots refers to Warehouse Mouse as a "woodland creature." I wanted to post a link to the episode, but couldn't find it. :(
****Update: The mouse has been found (God I hope it's the same one)! Hylus killed it and left it for us to find in the middle of the floor in the computer room. Damn I love that cat!

Halloween and Skunks

We're getting ready for Halloween in the Newman household! The girls' costumes are figured out, and the house is decorated (has been for a while now). It's nice having Audri in pre-school b/c they have made some ceramic decorations - so it's fun to use those around the house.

Audri has decided to be the Statue of Liberty. Right now she thinks everything is itchy, and this especially includes tights. All of the costumes she wanted to be (Minnie Mouse, a witch, Tinkerbell) would require wearing tights underneath, otherwise she would freeze - however the Statue of Liberty is a longer dress, therefore no tights! I did tell her that she has to wear leggings underneath, but I guess it was a reasonable compromise for her, because she agreed. Lately, she has really been asserting her independence and being REALLY picky about clothes. Not necessarily the style of the clothes, but the itchiness. This usually involves me trying to be patient and convince her that her clothes are not itchy, she just needs to get used to them, and she throws a fit until I give her some sort of ultimatum. This occurs almost everyday. Yes, fun times. Audri wore dresses all throughout the summer, so the transition to fall clothes (esp. jeans), has been a rough one. She's finally starting to get a little better about it - but that's after we threatened to take all of her clothes to Goodwill.

Addison is going to be a bumblebee for Halloween. Audri was this when she was 2, and it's a fitting costume for our little troublemaker. Addie has already told us that she is going to sting people with her butt. It should be a fun Halloween as long as it isn't too cold!

Addison also no longer takes naps, so my work schedule has been interesting - and suffering. I really hated to not give her naps, but when we did, she wouldn't go to sleep until 11 pm, and that left Dustin and I with no time to unwind and spend mom and dad time together. So, no naps. I still try to make her quietly read books or watch a movie so I can at least get a little bit of work done, but I'm definitely not accomplishing as much as I used to, so I am needing to work more in the evening. This doesn't always happen as it should, but I try.

Dustin's job is going well - he is running quite a bit again. He has a blog now but I don't think he updates it very often - I just checked and he hasn't updated since the end of July. Oh well.

In semi-interesting news, our dogs were sprayed by a skunk last week. There were a lot of creatures out last Friday. I saw a little snake, a turtle, and a skunk down the road. After pre-school, Audri and Addie and I were playing with the dogs outside when I saw a skunk wander along the edges of our pasture. I picked up a rock from our driveway and threw it at the skunk to try and make it run away. Our cute but not too smart puppy (collie/lab), ran after the rock thinking that I was playing fetch with him. Since Sawyer (the puppy) ran, Monkey (the purebred Collie), ran too. Well, they certainly found the skunk. First it sprayed them, then it chased them. I thought it was funny until it chased them toward the dog kennel, which was not far from where we were standing. I grabbed Addison (Audri was already in the truck), and jumped in the truck. My keys were still in the truck, so I started driving and figured I would run over the skunk. Bad idea. The dogs (Monkey choking and slobbering from being sprayed), resumed their chase of the skunk as I tried to run it over (unsuccessfully). The skunk sprayed them again, and I think must have sprayed the truck somewhat. While I did not run over the skunk, I did chase it away - but I still had to kennel dogs - so I put my head in my jacket (to avoid the smell), and put them away as fast as I could. I had forgotten how bad skunk spray smelled up close! Even though we had not been sprayed directly or even necessarily that indirectly, the girls, the inside of the truck, and I had a slight hint of skunk to us. It eventually went away, but I can assure you that I will not be attempting to kill a skunk anytime soon. The dogs also stunk for about 3 days - fortunately it was pretty warm at night, so we didn't have to bring them inside!

I better go make supper!

Life is ...

It's been hard to write lately. Not that there is a lack of things to write about, it's just finding the time and the desire to do so.

Today my mom, the girls, and I, took a day-trip to Hays to see my Grandma and some other family. My Grandma is suffering from dementia/alzheimers and has been living in a nursing home for around a year or so now. Her health started to go downhill about 5-7 years ago, but really took a nosedive 3 years ago, when she was forced to move into an assisted living center(and since then, her current nursing home). She has many blood clots, and some of the doctors wonder how she is still here, but here she is. Physically and mentally she is deteriorating, but the mental part is the most noticable. She was having a hard time finding words to connect to her thoughts today, and repeated herself a lot. The hardest part was the anguish on her face as she tried so hard to remember, but could not.

My Grandma is the epitomy of self-sacrifice. She raised 16 kids (14 her own, 2 grandchildren), and provided endless meals and love for anybody that would walk through her door. My fondest memories are of spending time with her out on her and my Grandpa's farm. The strength of this woman was unmatchable. This is the woman who chopped the head off of a rattlesnake who was ready to strike at a group of us walking in the driveway. This is the woman who would pick up pissed off hens and check to see how many of their eggs had hatched. This was the woman who spent HOURS in the kitchen, happily preparing food, happy to provide sustenance to all who were gathered. While all of us were visiting, she was busy ensuring we were fed, just happy that we were having a good time, happy that we were all there. She did nothing for herself. Her clothes were simple and functional; new clothes were only ever gifts from others.

So as I see in her these same clothes, now wheelchair ridden, I wonder what she did to deserve this. To deserve this loss of freedom, loss of coherence, loss of dignity. Before this sickness struck, Grandma always said she never wanted to be in a nursing home, that she hoped she passed on before having to live a life devoid of dignity, where she would have to be bound to a wheelchair and have others help her to the bathroom. These fears are what she now lives.

It's hard to not question God when situations like this arise. Not the existence of God, but the fairness of it all. Why does she have to suffer like this. There are times when she knows who and where she is - and she is scared. There are times when she knows that she should remember a face, but cannot - and she is ashamed. There are times when she wonders why she is alone when she had 14 kids - and she is heartbroken. Life is suffering, especially for those of my Grandma's generation, so why does she have to live in this prolonged state of torment?

I appreciate you getting this far into the post and for allowing me to vent like this.